Our American Cousin Lyrics[Theatergoer]
Well, here we are, Ford's Theater
Wow, this is pretty awesome!
I don't know what this play is
But I don't really care
'Cause oh my word I can't believe the president is here!
I can't see him, but I know he's sitting up there
When Harper's Weekly runs his picture
I like to keep it, I like to tear it out
But my husband doesn't like it when I do this
Says he only has so much patience
And I might just wear it out
Now the play has started
But my head is somewhere else
The way he freed the slaves or something
That's so dreamy
I wonder what his view is like
From way up in that box
If I flash a bit of ankle
He might see me
He'll be like "Who's that fetching beauty?"
And I'll wave and be like "Hey"
And I'll run off with him
And we'll have tons of babies
And we'll live in a log cabin
And I'll stay home and brush his hair
And my husband here can —
[bang]
[John Wilkes Booth]
He's a tyrant and a crook
If you just take a closer look
You can see the lies just dripping from his mouth
He suffocated half the land
With his long and bony hand
And he doesn't give a damn about the south
He robbed us all of house and home
Then he left us all alone
It is obvious the deed that must be done
He can't be trusted with the power
And now the clock has struck the hour
I act on the behalf of everyone
And I'll liberate my country
Unseat the despot
The old rule will vanish
I will turn the page of history
We'll get a new start —
[bang]
Sic Semper Tyrannis!
[Abraham Lincon]
I don't like this play
All the actors stink
And the laughs are cheap
I've been out all day
I just want to eat
I just want to sleep
It's my second term
It's a fragile peace
Hope it stays around
My resolve is firm
I have made this bed
Now I must lie down
My nation's come a long way
And today our many states may stand united
'Twas a heavy price we had to pay
And I hope our efforts don't go unrequited
Time has not been kind
We lost thousands of boys, I lost two of my own
North and south combined
In an orgy of violence like none we have known
Such a war was fought
Brothers fought against brothers on my command
But was it for naught
When the slaves are all free in a more perfect land?
My first term went by so fast
And so far I'm thankful for the years I've had
The war is now in the past
And this play really isn't that bad
[bang]
